This is the fourth time I’m trying to write an entry and finish it. The previous four was deleted half-way through, which explains my absence for quite some time. Didn’t know why but I just didn’t like what I was writing. I’ve been in a war with myself these couple of days. Personality indifferences and emotional conflicts made my day. I wonder if it’s just me or do every hormone-charged teenager goes through the same hell? These couples of days was horrifying, nothing made sense to me.
One moment I was happy, relaxed. The next, I’m tensed and pressured. Taking into consideration that my exam is finally over, I should be at ease. Especially given the fact that I didn’t even put any sort of pressure on myself and preparation was at a minimum. So what’s wrong with me?
Probably it has got nothing to do with my studies. I assumed it’s about my studies coz that’s what they tell me. I’m feeling depressed so I find someone to talk to. It’s your studies they say. I’m feeling tensed. It’s your studies. I’m not in the mood. It’s your studies. Well, that’s how people around me care for my well being. Hahaha…
Recently I had a conversation with my lecturer. It was after a two hour lecture and I was leaving the class when he approached me. He asked me if I was having any problems. He said it’s showing on my facial expression throughout the class. He also said I dun seem to be present emotionally. I told him that I was just pressured with all the exams. The truth is I dun even know what’s wrong, what’s really bothering me. And after that, I wondered why the people I cared for never asked me that question before? If my lecturer can question me about it, why can’t my friends notice it? Makes me wonder if I really have any true friends after all?
This brings me back to a question that’s always been on my mind. Does anyone see me for who I am? I like to think of myself as a person who does what he think is right and not what everyone wants him to do. Thus i won’t be surprised if I find people who misinterpret my intentions. But what I want to know is, is there even a single person out there who truly understands me and sees me for who I am? Throughout the times, I have always fought back the urge to voice out this question. I guess I just did not have the guts to find out. Well, I better post this one before I decide to delete it… I’ll be back with more posts in a better mood…
One moment I was happy, relaxed. The next, I’m tensed and pressured. Taking into consideration that my exam is finally over, I should be at ease. Especially given the fact that I didn’t even put any sort of pressure on myself and preparation was at a minimum. So what’s wrong with me?
Probably it has got nothing to do with my studies. I assumed it’s about my studies coz that’s what they tell me. I’m feeling depressed so I find someone to talk to. It’s your studies they say. I’m feeling tensed. It’s your studies. I’m not in the mood. It’s your studies. Well, that’s how people around me care for my well being. Hahaha…
Recently I had a conversation with my lecturer. It was after a two hour lecture and I was leaving the class when he approached me. He asked me if I was having any problems. He said it’s showing on my facial expression throughout the class. He also said I dun seem to be present emotionally. I told him that I was just pressured with all the exams. The truth is I dun even know what’s wrong, what’s really bothering me. And after that, I wondered why the people I cared for never asked me that question before? If my lecturer can question me about it, why can’t my friends notice it? Makes me wonder if I really have any true friends after all?
This brings me back to a question that’s always been on my mind. Does anyone see me for who I am? I like to think of myself as a person who does what he think is right and not what everyone wants him to do. Thus i won’t be surprised if I find people who misinterpret my intentions. But what I want to know is, is there even a single person out there who truly understands me and sees me for who I am? Throughout the times, I have always fought back the urge to voice out this question. I guess I just did not have the guts to find out. Well, I better post this one before I decide to delete it… I’ll be back with more posts in a better mood…
1 comment:
hey nic. are you alright? don't be too lost over what you are going thru ya! u re 20 alerady kla...another few months, ya re 21 ...don't go into teenagers' moodswing la. hehehe.
if u need someone to talk to..u know i am always around to lend u my ears.
take care
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